something always brings me back to you

i feel like everything is spiraling out of control. like my once perfect world is crumbling into pieces that i can't put back together. it all started with one thing and now everything is going horribly wrong. none of this was supposed to happen. everyone was supposed to stay happy and together but its not happening that way. i guess thats just life but i dont like it. at all. i just wish i could fix everything. go back in time and keep my mouth shut. if i hadn't said anything none of this would've happened, at least not so soon. maybe me and him wouldn't have fought so much this week if i had kept my mouth shut. i guess we'll never know. i'm not sure how much more of this i can take and i'm worried she's going to break at any point and i'm afraid for that. i wish i could be there to help her but i can leave. not now when everything is going to hell. people are threatening to leave if i dont start listening and i dont know what to do. its scary.

jesus?

who even decided that we had to believe in something? why cant we just live our lives without having to believe in a "higher power"? personally, i think god is made up. anyone could've written a bible. Jesus could've had hot dogs popping out of his ass for all we know. i'm going to hell anyway so why should i believe in all that. i just hate the fact that people tell me what to believe in. let me believe what i want and dont judge me for it, thats all i ask. is that so hard to do?

i feel used and abused. if this is what it takes to win i'd rather lose.
i'm broken and beaten, tearing at the seams.
i look around the room and everyone is frozen. everyone but me.
sitting, wondering how things turned out this way, i see him and he walks my way.