WTH

you just said you didnt want to hurt me, yet you are. and you know it. thats why you didnt want to tell me what 23 was....you had me pick a number last night!!!! is that what that was for?????? fuck. i cant believe this. you could DIE. i forgot thats what you want. you may black out but what happens when you black out and dont wake up?!?! ever think about that?!?!?!!?

you make me happy

whether you know it or not.

thats pretty much how i feel right now. tonight went pretty well i ended up doing nothing. which is always great.i feel so helpless and i dont know how to help you.(you know who you are) let me know how and i will do everything in my power to do it. you know that though. i think i'm finally losing it. graduation is in 26 days and i'm already done. i feel like its time. you know? its hard for me to focus with all this stuff going on, not that theres anything in school to focus on but still. i wish i could turn back time and fix things for you but i cant and i feel horrible for it. i know you're not trying to but you're making me extremely depressed, watching(you know what i mean) you go through this pain and hurt without you even trying to prevent it is torture to me. i know i'm not the one you want to be feeling that way but i am. and dont think i'm blaming you for things in this, i'm just stating full truths for the first time in a long time. its not that i lie to you i just only tell you the things that i think wont hurt you and i'm usually wrong about those things so i dont understand why i'm even doing it. i want to be out there with you to help you but i cant and its killing me. you say he's edward but he's not even close. edward is an amazing creature who thinks of everyone but himself. he isnt selfish or vain or anything and "he" is nothing like that. he is the complete opposite if you think about it. he thinks of only himself and he's the most selfish person i know. we are nothing alike yet we are the same person. i think thats why you like talking to me so much, because i am a part of him and thats okay with me. i guess. i just need you to know that i will never hurt you intentionally like he did, and dont say he didnt because i think deep down he did. he's been doing that to everyone.
alright i'm done now. i'm sorry if this hurts you but its the truth. more of the truth then i have ever said to you and i'm sorry for saying it all now.
love you kc

ugh

i dont think i'll ever have a happy ending.

something always brings me back to you

i feel like everything is spiraling out of control. like my once perfect world is crumbling into pieces that i can't put back together. it all started with one thing and now everything is going horribly wrong. none of this was supposed to happen. everyone was supposed to stay happy and together but its not happening that way. i guess thats just life but i dont like it. at all. i just wish i could fix everything. go back in time and keep my mouth shut. if i hadn't said anything none of this would've happened, at least not so soon. maybe me and him wouldn't have fought so much this week if i had kept my mouth shut. i guess we'll never know. i'm not sure how much more of this i can take and i'm worried she's going to break at any point and i'm afraid for that. i wish i could be there to help her but i can leave. not now when everything is going to hell. people are threatening to leave if i dont start listening and i dont know what to do. its scary.

jesus?

who even decided that we had to believe in something? why cant we just live our lives without having to believe in a "higher power"? personally, i think god is made up. anyone could've written a bible. Jesus could've had hot dogs popping out of his ass for all we know. i'm going to hell anyway so why should i believe in all that. i just hate the fact that people tell me what to believe in. let me believe what i want and dont judge me for it, thats all i ask. is that so hard to do?

i feel used and abused. if this is what it takes to win i'd rather lose.
i'm broken and beaten, tearing at the seams.
i look around the room and everyone is frozen. everyone but me.
sitting, wondering how things turned out this way, i see him and he walks my way.

i've given up on the entire human race

i'm realizing that i have an anger problem.but i'm not going to do anything about it.i enjoy it sometimes.the show last night was amazing i was 3 people away from william beckett and only a speaker separated me from adam t. siska my one true love lmao.but it really was good even though the shit went to shit as william said.i always wonder if someone is doing the exact same thing as me somewhere else or if in some other universe there are people like us doing the exact same thing we do.
i wish i could think of something lyrical and charismatic to keep your attention but I'm just not that poetic.if i could think up the words to keep your eyes glued to the screen I'd do it in a heartbeat because you mean that much to me.
i just made that up.hope its good.i hope everything works out for you as you make your way through this wild and crazy world.just dont forget about me.

i'm quite the joke to you

i'm running out of words to say to you.so i'm gonna keep this short and sweet. fuck you.

lol i'm bored as hell. and poeple are stupid