you make me happy

whether you know it or not.

thats pretty much how i feel right now. tonight went pretty well i ended up doing nothing. which is always great.i feel so helpless and i dont know how to help you.(you know who you are) let me know how and i will do everything in my power to do it. you know that though. i think i'm finally losing it. graduation is in 26 days and i'm already done. i feel like its time. you know? its hard for me to focus with all this stuff going on, not that theres anything in school to focus on but still. i wish i could turn back time and fix things for you but i cant and i feel horrible for it. i know you're not trying to but you're making me extremely depressed, watching(you know what i mean) you go through this pain and hurt without you even trying to prevent it is torture to me. i know i'm not the one you want to be feeling that way but i am. and dont think i'm blaming you for things in this, i'm just stating full truths for the first time in a long time. its not that i lie to you i just only tell you the things that i think wont hurt you and i'm usually wrong about those things so i dont understand why i'm even doing it. i want to be out there with you to help you but i cant and its killing me. you say he's edward but he's not even close. edward is an amazing creature who thinks of everyone but himself. he isnt selfish or vain or anything and "he" is nothing like that. he is the complete opposite if you think about it. he thinks of only himself and he's the most selfish person i know. we are nothing alike yet we are the same person. i think thats why you like talking to me so much, because i am a part of him and thats okay with me. i guess. i just need you to know that i will never hurt you intentionally like he did, and dont say he didnt because i think deep down he did. he's been doing that to everyone.
alright i'm done now. i'm sorry if this hurts you but its the truth. more of the truth then i have ever said to you and i'm sorry for saying it all now.
love you kc